Trembling Abyss
by they'recomingtotakemeaway
Summary: Morgan has never been one for relationships, but for Spencer Reid he makes an exception. When he makes choices he regrets, will his past psychological trauma prevent them from having a successful relationship? Established Morgan/Reid, Disturbing Content
1. Chapter 1

**WARNINGS: CONTAINS DISTURBING CONTENT, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, AND SLASH.**

**I really hope you like this. I'm quite proud of it.**

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Morgan had always had trouble with not just relationships, but with sex. The thought of starting a serious relationship had always filled him with dread. Giving that much of himself to another person wasn't an idea he found appealing in the slightest. Not that he wanted to care about someone else that much either. It was too scary. Morgan had learned long ago that it was usually better not to trust anyone at all. So he went from fling to fling, having sexual encounters with random women once or maybe a couple times without knowing more about her than her name. Sometimes not even that. The whole time he wondered why it didn't feel as good as everyone said it would. He would just feel terrible and filthy after and during.

Spencer Reid made things a little different.

No, he made things a _lot_ different. Morgan loved him. Intensely. He wanted nothing more than to make Spencer happy. Reid had opened up a whole new set of feelings that Morgan hadn't known was possible. More often than not, Morgan would find himself thinking, "So this is what it feels like to actually want someone." And he did want Spencer. It felt good to slip inside him and thrust until Morgan himself was done shivering and moaning in ecstasy. Too good, maybe.

But that other part of him (or maybe it was the same part of him that loved Spencer) still felt terrible. Not just terrible, but angry and guilty. This was the part of him that Carl Buford had made. The part that asked over and over again, "Why does he let me do these things to him?" and "How can I want to do these things to him?" It gave him a sick twisting feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about Spencer that way.

Morgan longed for the days when Spencer had been content to cuddle, to kiss, to fall asleep lying in his arms. He had loved how innocent Spencer had been. He still seemed innocent, but they would never have those times back. They had crossed a line and their relationship had changed forever.

Spencer had come to him one day and asked why they had never had sex. He was so shy and so fragile. And he wanted Morgan in every way. Morgan couldn't resist any longer. He gave way to his desire and his body took over his brain. And he'd be damned if it didn't feel good. No matter how guilty he felt, he couldn't control that desire. Now Spencer wanted sex all the time. Almost every night. There was nothing Morgan could do but oblige…

As a result, those complicated, conflicted emotions were right at the surface when a few months after their first time Spencer had pulled Morgan into bed yet again. Not a new experience, but not one Morgan had become used to. His lover kissed him tentatively at first, then more passionate and intense as they went. Spencer's tongue was rolling around his mouth doing all kinds of things that made Morgan want to moan. His hands were groping under Morgan's shirt, rubbing Morgan's nipples. Then he pushed Morgan down into a laying position, straddling him. His tongue still in Derek's mouth, and hands still under his shirt.

After what seemed like forever, Spencer stopped and rested his head on Morgan's chest. "What do you want to do, baby?" He planted little kisses all over Morgan's neck and jaw.

Morgan knew that Spencer thought the answer was self-evident. After all, Spencer was rubbing his crotch lightly against Morgan's -both of them hard as a rock. He loved the feeling. He gasped a little. Derek was almost ready to give in, to just let things happen...

Spencer didn't seem to find the gasp a satisfactory answer. He sat up, still with his legs around Morgan's waist. "Come on. Tell me what you want, sweetheart." His voice was sweet and innocent. Morgan wondered how he could manage that under the circumstances.

Morgan didn't say anything. He just reached for Spencer's belt buckle, letting his need take over.

"No. Derek, I don't think you understand. Just tell me what you want. Okay? And then I'll do anything you want..."

That was the moment Morgan couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and slapped Reid, right across the face.

Neither of them moved a muscle for several minutes. Spencer held up a hand to his face. It didn't have anything to do with the physical pain, but with the shock he was feeling. It was the only thing he could feel.

Eventually, he decided to break the silence. "You hit me."

As if those were the magic words, Morgan suddenly came to life. "I'm so sorry, baby! I don't know why I did that... I... Are you okay, honey? I'm _so, so_ sorry..."

Morgan sat up with some difficulty (Spencer was still sitting on his lap,) and moved Spencer's hand away from his face, to look at the damage he had done. Spencer just let him. He didn't stop his lover from putting his arms around him and holding him close either. He just sat still and let Morgan do whatever he wanted to him.

"You hit me," he said again. Reid was still surprised. He didn't understand. This was _Morgan_ -the man who loved him, the man who held him when he cried and kissed him goodnight every day. And he had just hit him. Spencer knew he sounded pitiful, but he was powerless to stop it.

"I know," Morgan said, still holding him. Spencer's own arms hung limply at his sides. Morgan was starting to sob. "I'm so sorry... I would never... I never wanted to hurt you Spence. You know that, right?"

"You _hit_ me!" Spencer said; it was starting to seem real. "Why would you do that to me?"

Morgan cried into Reid's shoulder for a while. _That's not fair!_ Spencer thought. _He hit me! I should be the one crying! I should be upset. I should be yelling, not sitting here while he cries on my shoulder!_

"I don't know... Spence, you have to believe me. I'm so sorry, honey. I'll never do anything like this again. That was the stupidest thing I've ever done," Morgan said. He paused for a minute. "I guess I was just mad... Oh, God. I shouldn't have done that... I'm such an idiot, Spence!"

Spencer thought about it. Morgan did seem genuinely sorry. But then why did he do it in the first place? How could he have so little control of his emotions? And why was he even mad in the first place? "You were mad? I didn't do anything wrong!"

"I know. I know, sweetie. You did nothing wrong, okay? It's all my fault. Do... do you want me to leave?"

Spencer shook his head. He was surprised that he didn't. He always looked at abused women and thought, _Why did she stay with him?_ He thought he would never be so stupid. Reid thought that if Morgan did that, he would have kicked him out right away.

"Just, tell me why you did it. I... I need to know if this is something we can fix."

Morgan had finally stopped clinging to Spencer. He bit his lip, and nodded slowly. "It's just... When you said 'I'll do anything you want,' I got upset, okay? You shouldn't say things like that. You shouldn't let people do whatever they want to you!"

"You mean like hit me?" Reid asked, dryly.

"Yes! You should hate me for that. You should hate me for lots of things."

Spencer felt a pang of sympathy, for the first time since Derek had hit him. "Why should I hate you Morgan?" He didn't want to say Derek. No, he would have to prove himself worthy of a first name basis again.

Morgan looked away. He had mostly gotten control of his sobbing, but tears still escaped every now and then. "I think you know."

Suddenly, Spencer realized what was going on. _God! I should have seen this earlier... I should have known!_ He reprimanded himself.

"Derek... Is this about what happened to you when you were a kid? What Carl Buford did to you?"

Morgan wouldn't look at his lover's eyes. "Maybe..."

"Oh, honey. You should have told me you felt that way." Spencer took Derek's face in his hands and forced him to make eye contact. "Listen to me Derek. I didn't 'let you' fuck me. We made love because we _wanted _to. It was perfectly consensual. I love you, Derek. That's why they call it making love. It's not something you should have to feel guilty about, okay? You're nothing like him, baby."

"Are you sure?" Morgan said, gently touching Spencer's face.

Spencer wiped Derek's tears away. "I'm sure, honey. I'm not mad. Just don't hit me again, okay? I don't like it." He took Morgan in his arms and held him tightly. He erupted into tears again. Spencer just kept saying "Shh," and "It's going to be okay, baby," as he rubbed Derek's back.

"I love you so much, Spencer. You have no idea."

"I love you, too Derek. Don't forget it, ever. You should tell me more of what you're feeling. So we can avoid situations like this in the future."

It wasn't until Morgan reached out and traced the zipper of his pants that Spencer realized they were both still sporting erections. _God, what timing._ He wondered if he was making his boyfriend uncomfortable.

"Umm... did you want to pick up where we left off?" Derek asked. Apparently, he was having the opposite effect.

"Are you sure you want to?" Spencer said. He was feeling more than a bit tentative, after everything that had just happened.

Morgan nodded and kissed him gently. "Yes... You've made me feel a lot better about all this. I'm glad I told you about this. I should have earlier. I promise I'll stop if it gets... uncomfortable. For either of us. Okay?"

Spencer promptly agreed. He took Morgan's shirt off, slowly. Derek returned the favor and then undid Spencer's bulging pants. They stripped away the rest of their clothes slowly, in order to watch each other carefully. Reid couldn't believe he had been able to ignore how hard he was.

He laid on the bed, fully naked. Morgan climbed on top of him and kissed him all over. First his neck, then his shoulders, then tracing down his spine.

"That feels really good," Spencer supplied.

"Yeah? Spread your legs a little more, babe," Derek said, grabbing the lube from its spot in the nightstand drawer.

In terms of pleasure, it was all very good. Maybe the best Spencer had ever had. But there was something unsettling about it all. He had to keep asking Derek if he was okay. They stopped a few times, waiting to catch their composure. Morgan cried most of the time. But in the end they had both came with a fire, moaning and screaming each other's names.

"Oh, God. Baby, that was amazing," Derek said.

"It was. You're so good. Have I ever told you that before?" Spencer said, knowing full well he had.

Morgan laughed. "Good night, Spence."

Spencer gave him the customary kiss. He wondered if things would just go back to normal. How could they, though? He held a sweaty and naked Derek Morgan in his arms all night, worrying about things to come, while his lover was getting the best sleep he had had in years.

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**A/N: I'm not sure if I'm going to leave this as a one-shot or if I'm going to continue. On one hand, I love this story. And the other I'm not sure it wouldn't be better to leave it like this. Let me know what you think. If people beg me to continue, I will. If I decide to continue (which I'm leaning towards) I might not update for as much as a week. Things are sort of crazy right now. Please, please, review. Because I need to be validated. Sorry. Thanks for reading!**


	2. The Morning After

**Warning: Angst, angst, angst. But if you made it through the first chapter, that shouldn't bother you, right? I still have a feeling that some of you are going to be feeling depressed by the end of this chapter… I know I am.**

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There was a swollen purple bruise on Reid's cheekbone the next morning. He stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror examining it. He poked the bruise and immediately winced in reaction. A very guilty looking Morgan appeared in the mirror behind him, wearing only boxer shorts.

"What will I tell people?" Spencer asked his lover. It felt oddly intimate to be discussing how to hide their secret from the world. Something only they knew. If Spencer was entirely honest, he kind of liked it. No, he suppressed that thought as soon as it came.

Morgan put his arms around Spencer at waist level and kissed his cheek from behind. "Oh, Spence. That looks terrible. Does it still hurt?" He ran a finger down the bruise. Reid winced again. "I'm so sorry, baby. I wish we could just pretend it never happened."

Spencer fought back the urge to snap at him and say that it wasn't an option. Instead he said, "Me too," and let Morgan hold his fragile naked body. It felt both nice and a little scary. Reid was suddenly aware of how easily Morgan could mangle him -break every bone in his body if he wanted to. _He would never get that mad though, would he?_

"What will I tell people?" Reid repeated. He needed the question answered. He couldn't go to work without a back story. And with all those profilers in the room would they look right through him and see what really happened? Suddenly Spencer was breathing hard and panicking.

"Spencer, you're a smart guy. I'm sure you'll think of something."

Reid tried to get his thoughts straight and think of something logical. But all he could feel was intense fear. Over the course of one night he had gone from being happy and carefree to having no one he could talk to about his problems. Not even Morgan. That hurt the worst. "I shouldn't have to! This is all your fault. You think of something."

"I know," Morgan relinquished his firm but gentle grip on Reid. "I should leave. I'll come back for my stuff later and then I'll be out of your way."

"Morgan you aren't listening to me! I don't want you to leave. I just need some help, okay? Think about how bad it would look if I showed up to work today with this on my face and you moved out the same day. Just think about that for a second," Spencer said. "Now, please. What does it look like happened?"

"It looks like I punched you in the face," Morgan said. In reality, he had slapped Spencer, but it was a solid bruise and you couldn't make out the fingers. Morgan thanked God for at least that much.

Reid groaned and walked back into the bedroom. He rifled through his drawers until he found a t-shirt and pajama pants and threw them on, not bothering with underwear and noticing for the first time that Morgan was wearing his from last night. "Forget it. I'll just stay home. Tell Hotch I'm sick." Reid took his glasses off and put them on the nightstand before flopping down on the bed.

"Spence? Come on. Just them you got into a bar fight or something. Please? I don't want to leave you here by yourself," Morgan said.

"Why? Are you afraid I might shoot up, or are you afraid I'm going to kill myself?" Spencer asked, his voice rich in sarcasm like they were ridiculous fears.

Morgan sighed. "Honey, I didn't mean it like that."

"Fine, I'll come if it means that much to you," Reid replied.

In reality Spencer didn't want to be left alone there either. Not in that bed, where Morgan had hit him, where they had made love (_Did we really make love? Or did we just make something terrible and disgusting?_), and where they had held each other through countless long nights. Never in his life did he want to shoot up more than he did then, and the thought had more than just crossed his mind that he might just combine the dilaudid with enough alcohol that he could just slip away into obscurity.

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**A/N: Sorry it was so short and I took a really long time to update. I had decided to leave it a oneshot, and then was convinced otherwise. So voila! I don't know when I'm going to continue this next. If you've read **_**I'm Gay I Swear**_**, then you know I have a billion story ideas right now. If not, why don't you venture to my profile page and see what they're all about? Vote which one you want me to do next on the poll. Right now I'm leaning towards the AU story about the band and **_**Three Sexy Bitches, The Kid, and The Black Guy**_**. **

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter. The more feedback I get, the more likely I am to continue. Plus, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.**

**Thanks for reading! **

**(Oh, and for any **_**I'm Gay I Swear**_** readers, I'm thinking the finale might be a while. I'm too depressed from writing this to do comedy, and I really don't want to end that story because I love it. So I might just draw it out a bit more…)**


	3. More Questions Than Answers

**Random thought: Am I the only person who continuously forgets to go to the document manager first when putting up a new chapter?**

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It was Prentiss that first noticed the bruise. It was as if her mothering instinct instantly kicked in. "Dear God, Reid! What happened to your face?"

Spencer had gone through every possible excuse in his mind a hundred times, using heuristics to try to estimate the chance they would seem plausible. None of them seemed good enough. So he settled for a shrug. Half of him was panicking over the conclusions she would jump to and the other half was detached from the situation as if it were all just happening to someone else. Or as if watching himself in a dream, soon to wake up and realize it was all just a hazy hallucination.

"Well, it looks like it hurts," Emily said. She wasn't strictly suspicious of Morgan yet, but she was sure Reid was in some kind of trouble. It was probably better than he didn't know that though, she thought. "You should be more careful." Prentiss watched Spencer breathe heavily and avert his eyes. _What happened to you?_ She wondered.

She usually would have asked Morgan what was going on, but she instinctively knew it was a bad idea. From his uncomfortable body language and the way he avoided eye contact Emily guessed he knew and wasn't any more keen on sharing than Reid was. For a second she considered that maybe he had hurt Spencer, but she pushed that thought away immediately. _No, not Morgan. He would never hurt Reid._

If Prentiss couldn't go to Morgan, who could she go to? Garcia? No, she would fly off the handle. That wasn't what Reid needed right then and it would only serve to hurt her. It had to be Hotch. Calm and serious Hotch, who always knew the right thing to do.

She entered his office tentatively to find Hotch looking through paperwork. "Sir, may I have a word?"

Hotch looked up. "Yes, of course. Sit down Emily."

"No, thanks. I just came to tell you that I'm worried about Reid. Have you seen him yet today?" Prentiss said.

"No, I haven't. Why?" Hotch asked.

Prentiss exhaled deeply. She hated this. She felt like she was back in school tattling on someone. "His face was banged up pretty bad. I tried to ask him what happened and he dodged my question. It seems like he's afraid of something."

Hotch nodded, not giving anything away with his expression. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll talk to him."

He made his way down to the cubicles (not something he did every day) and saw everything. The look in Reid's eyes that did nothing but confirm what had happened. The way Morgan was paying more attention to his paperwork than he ever had in all the time Hotch had worked with him. And the bruise... it looked bad. It certainly hadn't been the result of a little love tap.

"Reid, may I talk to you for a minute?" Hotch asked, trying to sound gentle and fatherly. He knew Reid wouldn't give away anything unless he was alone.

"Go ahead," Spencer said vaguely. Hotch noticed his expression change from sad and afraid to cold and distant in half a second flat. It was clear he wasn't about to step away for a private conversation anytime soon.

Hotch didn't know how to start. "Spencer, I need to know what happened to your face."

When Reid spoke it was totally flat and emotionless. "Silly me, I walked into a door."

On the job when Hotch ran into cases of abuse, there was nothing he could do unless the victim admitted anything. He had seen dozens of women just sit there and take beatings, protecting their husbands all the while. But this was different. Aaron couldn't let Reid be like that. "That's what happened? Are you sure?"

"Of _course_ that's what happened," Spencer said. His voice was strange and even higher than usual. "I'm _such_ a klutz. Aren't I, Morgan?"

Throughout this Morgan never looked up once. If Hotch had been a violent man, Morgan would have been wearing a nice purple bruise to match his boyfriend's. Maybe several. "Spencer, if you're meaning to imply that Morgan hit you, that's something I need to know about."

"_What_?" Spencer's voice was as high and shrill as ever. The strangled quality gave Hotch shivers down his spine. "That's _crazy_! Morgan would _never_ do that. I tripped and fell."

"Morgan, my office. Now." Hotch said. Morgan got up and walked over like this was all routine and nothing was horribly wrong. How could the man stay calm through all this? How could he look perfectly normal?

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**A/N: Sorry it's so short, but I thought this would be a good place to stop. This is the second version of people's reactions to the bruise. The first one was lame and almost happy so I had to change it. Well, this one's not so happy. I literally felt uncomfortable writing this. Reid really crept me out. I feel like if I feel disgusting and horrible inside by the time I've written a chapter I've done my job.**

**Please, let me know what you think of this. I love to hear your opinions. I know you must have some!**

**Oh, and updates may be sporadic because I'm working on a lot, but I'll try not to keep you waiting too long.**


	4. Gently

**A/N: Oh my God, I am so psyched for this story right now. You have no idea. Actually psyched may not be quite the right word… But it's certainly my favorite thing to write. Fuck, writing it's my favorite thing in the world to do right now.**

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Rossi noticed Hotch bringing Morgan to his office while a battered Reid stood by awkwardly and immediately knew something was going on. He decided to walk down and have a little chat with the youngest team member.

"Hey, Kid. What's going on?" Rossi asked.

Spencer was sitting in his chair, staring at the wall of his cubicle. He made no effort to turn and face Rossi, only put the cup down mechanically. "Hotch is talking to Morgan."

_He looks like a robot. If robots had bruises when someone beat the crap out of them_, Rossi thought. "Any idea what about?"

"No, not at all," Reid said innocently.

Rossi didn't jump to any conclusions. He may have been a master profiler, but Reid has always been a sort of mystery to him. He had never fit into the typical boxes. Rossi stared at the door of Hotch's office, waiting until the two men emerged, hoping they had some sort of satisfactory explanation.

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"Derek, I'm not going to ask this more than once. I need you to answer this truthfully. Did you or did you not hit Spencer?"

Hotch felt a little more comfortable in his office. Sitting on the boss' side of the desk and watching Morgan squirm may not have given him satisfaction, but at least he felt like he had the upper hand.

Morgan didn't answer. Hotch wasn't sure if this was ballsy or weak. "Answer me."

"Hotch..."

"I'm not going to ask again. I've got all day to sit here and wait for an answer," Hotch said.

Morgan looked away and covered his eyes with one hand. One of his legs bounced up and down violently. They sat there for a few of the most silent and tense moments of either man's life.

"Yes..." Morgan finally spoke up. He looked Hotch directly in the eye and Hotch realized he was crying. "I hit him, okay?"

"No, it is not okay!" Hotch was hardly speaking above a whisper, but still to Morgan it sounded like yelling. "What were you thinking, Morgan? What could he possibly have done to deserve that? For God's sakes the man can't weigh more than a hundred and twenty pounds. You could have _seriously_ hurt him. Not to mention he _loves_ you, Derek. You're supposed to love him and take care of him."

Morgan felt that same anger he had before hitting Reid bubbling up inside him. He slammed his fist on the desk, trying to use up that negative energy. "Don't you think I know that?" He was yelling. He had to keep himself under control, but it was proving to be a challenge. "Don't you understand that I have _never_ felt more terrible about _anything_ in my life? The truth is Spencer did nothing to deserve it. _Nothing_. I wasn't thinking, and I could have badly hurt the one person I love more than anything. I _did_ hurt him badly. Spencer's scared to look at me Hotch! Don't you think for _one second_ that it doesn't tear me up inside!"

Derek felt wild and his pulse was racing off the charts, but it felt better to say it out loud. Whatever happened next would happen, but he had said what he needed to.

"Have you told him that?" Hotch asked calmly.

Morgan tried to go over everything in his mind that had happened since 'the incident.' He was sure he had said sorry endless times, but he wasn't sure what else he said. Derek swore to himself that he would tell his boyfriend everything the next time they were alone together. He would make sure Spencer knew exactly how much he meant to him. "No, I don't think so..."

"Then I suggest you make that a top priority. He's probably scared and confused right now. You need to let him know that he's still important to you. Because right now you've clearly made him feel worthless." Morgan nodded solemnly, sure that Hotch was right. "And Morgan?"

"Yes?"

"If I ever have so much as have an inkling that anything like this has happened again, you'll be out of the bureau before you even realized what happened. I will make it my personal mission to make sure you never get within a mile of Spencer Reid again as long as you live. Are we clear?" Hotch said.

Morgan nodded emphatically. "Yes. I assure you, nothing like this will ever happen again. I wish I could say it never happened at all."

"Morgan do I need to enroll you in anger management classes, or is this something you can handle on your own?" Hotch asked.

"I can handle it on my own."

* * *

Hotch remained in his office, and Morgan emerged from it feeling grave, but somewhat relieved. It was going to be hard work fixing everything with Spencer, but even the fact that it seemed like a possibility brought him hope. He would do anything to make up for what he did.

Morgan saw Reid sitting in his cubicle and Rossi standing over him like a guard dog. Morgan instinctively walked over to Spencer, despite having no idea what he was going to say.

Fortunately for him, Reid spoke first. Without moving he said, "How'd it go?"

"I guess the best it could have, under the circumstances," Morgan replied, not really sure how it had gone at all.

Spencer looked up into his lover's eyes. "That's good. Have... have you been crying, sweetie?" Morgan felt like a total idiot. He was so worried that he had never bothered to wipe the tears away. Spencer stood up and did it for him, touching his face sweetly and lightly, taking all the care one might when holding a newborn baby.

_That's how I should touch him_, Morgan thought. _We should always be that gentle and loving with each other_.

JJ and Prentiss made their way over. "What's going on?" JJ asked.

"Morgan's been having some anger issues. But it's okay. We're going to work them out together, okay babe?" Spencer said, gently pressing his lips to Morgan's forehead.

"I'd like that," Morgan said. He wasn't sure what had happened, but the one thing Derek Morgan was sure of was that he must be the luckiest man in the world.

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**A/N: Aww, isn't that cute? I should just leave it there on an optimistic note. DON'T WORRY, I WON'T! That would be too easy…**

**I really love how the conversation between Morgan and Hotch turned out. I couldn't be much happier. A lot of time I feel like I'm only skimming the surface with dialogue, but this time I feel like it went a bit deeper. I really like Morgan's speech… I feel like a jerk saying that, but I'm just happy it turned out like I wanted it to. And Hotch was bad ass. And the Morgan/Reid moments make me feel like squealing, even if I wrote them. I feel like an ass for admitting that! At the same time parts of this chapter hurt my eyes to look at...**

**Well remember how I was having a lot of writer's block on this story? (Or don't, I don't even know if I put that in the author's notes. But I'm sure I told someone! *coughs* Muffins Taste Good *coughs* The-Vampire-Act *coughs*.) Well anyways, thanks for listening and thanks for your inspiring reviews everyone! **

**I am pleased to inform you that I now know **_**exactly **_**where I am taking this story. I agonized and agonized over what to do for a long time. I'm not going to lie, for hours yesterday I was just laying on my bed thinking about what to do with this story. It took a lot of difficult thinking, I might have cried a little (You think I'm kidding, don't you? Well then you don't know me…) but I figured it out. Man, it just came to me. I'm going to have to hold my breath until I post that last chapter and see everyone's reactions. And don't worry, there are lots of chapters left!**

**Anyway, I love you all. Review, please?**


	5. Alone or Together?

**This is the chapter where I give a bunch of people some much deserved thanks! Because I am eternally grateful. Thanks to… **

_**Muffins Taste Good**_** for reading all my stories, leaving awesome reviews, and listening to me rant about my writing. **_**The-Vampire-Act **_**for making me feel special and giving my reviews gold frames, your reviews, again listening to my spasms, and pre-reading that story that I never got around to publishing yet. **_**PinkHimeLacus **_**for leaving crazy cool reviews each chapter. **_**MissBethCullen **_**for telling me my author's notes are so cute that she wants to feed me cookies. I have no idea why I'm cute… but I'm glad someone reads my author's notes! And of course your reviews…**_**Cowboy'sMontana **_**for always telling me you're waiting for more. **_**Addilyn Rose **_**for your lovely constructive comments. **_**Oh-I-wish-I-were**_**, **_**ReadingYourThoughts **_**(I think it would have been super cool if your name was ReidingYourThoughts. But maybe that was taken? Or you didn't think of it? Or just don't find lame puns amusing like I do…), **_**SagePunkSom, roses-have-thorns911, seditionary, boothandboneslove, Green Penguin, Boingogirl, **_**and **_**Sipiiw**_**. Oh and everyone who added this to alert or faves, I love you too. Seriously, you're all amazing. Even if you just read it. :) I hope I didn't forget anybody!**

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"You... hit Spencey?" Garcia asked. No one had noticed her walk over. Tears were welling up in her eyes. She stared at Morgan with a look of pure and utter heartbreak.

No one answered the question. Garcia understood that in itself to be an answer. "Oh my God, umm... I'm just going to go..." A sob escaped her and she walked off quickly, an expert in running away on her sharp high heels.

Everyone else just stood still and watched. Reid sighed deeply and went to go follow her. He turned around after a few steps and looked into Morgan's eyes. "Why should I have to be the one to talk to her? I'm sick of consoling people!"

"You're right," Morgan said. He was sure he would end up saying that over and over again in many situations in the future, even if he didn't agree. Spencer deserved it. "I'll go."

Spencer stood a few feet away from the group swaying back and forth as if he couldn't decide which way to go. If he went with Morgan, it would undoubtedly be a painful and awkward conversation. But if he stayed behind, he would be alone, forced to contend to reactions of Rossi, JJ, and Prentiss. "I'll come with you."

They entered Garcia's office and it was deadly quiet, except for Garcia's hushed crying. Morgan was tempted to wait for someone else to break the silence, but not this time. He was determined for once that day to be strong for Spencer. He had been selfish so far and ignored his lover's pleas for help dealing with the consequences of what he had done, but it didn't have to stay that way.

Morgan swallowed deeply. What could he possibly say in a situation like this? "Penelope?" Her head shot in his direction at the use of her first name. "Are you okay?"

"Am _I _okay?" Garcia asked. "What you should be asking is, is _Spencer _okay?"

Reid nodded his head slowly. "Garcia, the _only_ thing that's upsetting me right now is how everyone else seems to be upset. I... I just wish everyone would stop making this worse than it already is."

Garcia wiped at her eyes. "Okay. I'll try to calm down, okay sweetie? Why don't you just tell me what happened?"

"Well... you pretty much know..." Reid started.

She shook her head. "No, I mean. _Why_? I thought you guys were the perfect couple. I thought you were always so happy."

"No one's perfect," Reid said. Morgan noticed that he was standing very close, almost as if Spencer wanted Morgan to protect him from Garcia. But that was all wrong...

"We are happy," Morgan started to say, and realized it didn't fit the situation. "We were happy..." That wasn't any good either.

Spencer took Derek's hand and stroked it slowly. "We will be happy again."

That gave Morgan all the help he needed to know what to say. It was so much easier when they were working together. "We really are happy most of the time, Pen. Every relationship has roadblocks, and I know this one seems really bad... But we're going to be okay. I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make up for what I did."

Garcia seemed slightly soothed by this. "That's nice... But you still haven't told me why."

Both men had been dreading this. "It's personal," Morgan said. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well you better talk about it to someone," Garcia said. "Because if you hurt my Spencer again... There won't be an inch on your body that will feel anything but the _fiercest_, most_ intense_ pain of your life. That's a promise."

Morgan didn't bother to correct her about 'her Spencer.' Normally he would, but on that occasion he felt like he needed to prove that Spencer was his all over again.

* * *

As soon as Morgan and Reid walked out of the room, their coworker's feelings started to become apparent.

"What the hell _was_ that?" Prentiss asked.

"I don't know," JJ said. "I mean, I knew Morgan had some anger issues, but I never thought that he would hit Spence. God, that's terrible."

"No, I mean how Reid reacted!" Prentiss said. "When I first talked to him this morning, he was scared to talk. He looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment! Next thing I know, he's kissing Morgan and telling him everything's okay. Am I the only one that sees something horribly wrong with that?"

JJ bit her lip, reluctant to comment. "Reid loves Morgan... And he seemed really sorry."

"Doesn't it seem kind of sick, though? How easily Reid forgave Morgan? Especially when he was so broken less than half an hour ago," Prentiss said.

"...But they're meant to be together. They're so cute together. Morgan would never mean to do something like that. If I know him at all he's angrier with himself than anyone else is. I think they should stay together. I don't think this should ruin everything," JJ said.

Prentiss looked furious. "But he abused Reid. Doesn't that mean anything to anyone? How can they just go on being normal? I think it's disturbing that Spencer still loves him and needs to forgive him. Would he just stay still and take it no matter what Morgan put him through? Is he that obsessed? And if Morgan got mad enough to physically strike him, God knows what else could be going on in their relationship that we never even suspected!"

JJ looked upset, but didn't have a comeback for that. She still thought that Morgan and Reid should stay together, but some of the questions resonated with her unpleasantly.

Rossi who so far had remained silent decided to speak up. "Emily, I do find all those questions extremely unsettling. But you're right. We don't know what's going on in their relationship. And therefore, we don't have enough information to judge the situation. If Reid decides to stay with Morgan, well then I just hope to God it's the right decision."

When Reid and Morgan emerged from Garcia's office, JJ suddenly remembered the case files in her hand and passed them out. She smiled at everyone, pretending nothing unusual had ever happened at all. After all, it was none of her business.

* * *

**A/N: Well, this was a bit of a so-called 'filler chapter.' I didn't even plan to have a chapter like this, but **_**PinkHimeLacus **_**wanted to know how Garcia reacted. So this was born. I had intended to kind of skirt this issue… Not going to lie! I was going to have everyone else gather in the meeting room and just glaring at Morgan making him feel horrible and Reid was going to get angry and say all these things like "We're both men. I'm not some fragile woman, I can take it." Which would have concerned everyone else more. And well, Reid would get super pissed off…**

**Anyways, this is my least favorite chapter. There are a few parts that are cute though. And I do really like that one part where Reid's standing close to Morgan as if for protection and Morgan thinks that it's all wrong. It pleases me. But lots of this makes my eyes bleed. JJ's dialogue seems unfitting of her character. And did I paint David Rossi in a likeable light? (Hopefully I won't be damned to hell for this.) Ugh, I just think it's boring and stupid mostly!**

**But that's just what **_**I **_**think! Tell me what **_**you**_** think!**

**Interesting fact: Instead of Reid saying: "Why should I have to be the one to talk to her? I'm sick of consoling people!" I originally planned him to say: "You ruined my life, you know that, right?" And then he would go off and try to cheer up Garcia without much success and there would be even more tension between Reid and Morgan. Which would be super depressing and unnecessary!**


	6. Inconsistent Motives

**A/N: OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY! I should have updated WAY faster. I've been terribly busy, but I apologize with all my heart. I will try so much harder to update way sooner for the next chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

"Three teenage girls, raped, murdered and tossed out on three separate highways in the past month," JJ said. They were all sitting in the meeting room and at least at the surface one-hundred percent focused on the case.

"What's the connection?" Rossi asked.

JJ put the pictures of the victims on the screen. All roughly fourteen, blonde, and quite pretty. "Well other than the obvious visual resemblance, the victims were all stabbed in the abdomen three times."

"The fact that they are so similar in appearance would indicate he's picking girls that emulate a figure from his past," Reid said. "Stabbing them more than once is unnecessary, which would point to excessive anger and inferiority. He was probably rejected by this past figure he's trying to emulate. It could be a mother, sister, wife, girlfriend, or even just a woman who turned him down."

JJ shook her head. "There was no necessity in any of the stabbings. The victims all three died from injections of sodium thiopental, pancuronium, and potassium chloride-"

"The combination of drugs normally used for lethal injections. Reid, is there any way civilians could gain access to them?" Rossi asked.

"All three drugs could be found in a hospital. They could have been stolen or the unsub himself could work in a hospital," Reid said.

"Work at a hospital? I don't think so," Prentiss said flipping through her case file. "The autopsies put the stabbing significantly after time of death…"

Morgan picked up on her thought. "So whoever this figure from his past was, she apparently evokes a pretty deep fear in him. He's only violent after they're dead."

"…Or the unsub is too weak to act out his anger on someone who can make any attempt to struggle," Hotch suggested. "We could be looking for someone injured, or otherwise physically disabled."

Prentiss nodded. "The injury could be the trigger. But an injured person wouldn't be working in a hospital."

"Sexual assault was also post-mortem?" Reid asked.

"No," JJ said. "The unsub didn't have the decency to wait until after they were dead."

"Well there goes the injury theory," Rossi said.

Morgan frowned. "It doesn't make any sense. There isn't any consistency here. This guy rapes them, kills them peacefully, and then stabs them three times. Anyone else finding it hard to understand the motivation?"

Reid nodded. "The sodium thiopental is entirely unnecessary. It would just render them unconscious for the other drugs. The pancuronium is equally as ineffective. It just ensures the victim won't move. They could have used only potassium chloride and it would have worked. The only reason for the other two would be to relieve the pain of the last drug."

"Okay, so I can understand a killer that rapes a girl, and then feels the need to put her out of her misery," Morgan said.

Hotch stared at the crime scene photos. "But a killer than rapes, puts her out of her misery, and then gets angry and stabs her three times… How can we understand an unsub that would do that?"

* * *

They took the jet and went to Cleveland, where the bodies had been found. Morgan and Prentiss went to check out the last crime scene, as much as Morgan wished he hadn't been assigned that particular task. Hotch and Rossi were interviewing the family members of the victims. With the type of unsub that goes after girls of similar appearance, it was extremely unlikely that the victims knew them, but sometimes that was better because family members might remember someone strange hanging around. Reid was happy to hang back and get going on a geographic profile. He had already seen people staring at his bruises when he entered the police station, so being alone was a welcome reprieve. JJ stayed at the police headquarters and made sure everything was running smoothly and comforted upset family members.

With all that, they had nowhere close to a workable profile.

Even still, they had to get some sleep eventually. Especially when there didn't seem to be anything they could do. They all felt helpless and irritable. No one wanted to wait for another victim to catch the guy.

Reid and Morgan ended up in a hotel room together, as usual. Reid knew it wouldn't be without its tension, but he found himself feeling pretty okay about it. He had liked being alone at the police station, but even more he found he wanted to be with Morgan.

The problem was Spencer wanted Morgan from before Morgan had hit him and everything started to seem like it would never be okay again. Every now and then Reid had sensed a glimmer of that Morgan, but more often he was replaced by the Morgan that had come to the surface after: broken, silent, and incapable of even looking at Spencer, let alone giving him the comfort that he desired so deeply.

Reid hoped that maybe Derek just needed some time to get himself together and things would get better again.

While walking to the hotel room, neither of them said a word. Reid noticed Prentiss walking down the same hallway and glaring at Morgan. Clearly, she was not fond of the two of them sharing a private room.

It was when they got to their room and the door closed behind them that the silence was broken. And it was broken immediately.

"Spence, what was all of that?"

"I'm sorry. I should have lied more convincingly," Reid replied.

Morgan shook his head. "No, Spencer. It's fine. You didn't have to lie if you didn't want to. I should never have put you in that position. Any way that you could have handled that situation would be okay with me. I don't care that they all know Spencer. If that's what you want, it's fine with me, okay?" He put a hand awkwardly on Reid's arm, both of them barely out of the doorway. "Spencer, I don't want you to feel like you have to do _anything_ for me. Okay?"

Reid dropped his go-bag on the floor and took a few earth-shatteringly slow steps towards Morgan. To say Spencer 'hugged' Derek would be an insult to the embrace. It would be more accurate to say that Spencer lightly took Derek in his arms in such a way that the most possible area of their bodies were pressed together. It would be more accurate to say that Spencer held on like there was nothing else that mattered in the world, never wanting to let go.

However you said it, the hug was intimate and personal, and if someone had been there to watch they would have undoubtedly felt awkward and had to have looked away.

"Morgan," Spencer said, cherishing the word. "There you are. Where have you been all day?"

"What do you mean?" Morgan asked. He caressed Reid's back as his lover continued to hold on for dear life.

When Spencer whispered into his ear, Derek could hear in his voice the tears Reid was holding back. "You know what I mean. This morning at the office. You left me alone... I had to deal with everything by myself. I was so scared, Derek!"

"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry…" Morgan stroked Reid's hair. "I just felt so guilty that I froze up and didn't know what to do. I should have handled everything better. I should have been stronger for you. I should have..." He stopped himself midway, determined not to focus on what he should have done any longer. It didn't do any good. "Spencer, I'm here now. I want to be here with you forever. I'll be so much better, I promise."

"Derek, I've been waiting to hear that from you all day. I just want you to try and to stop beating yourself up. Because if you don't we're never going to be able to move on," Reid said. He gave Morgan a quick peck and backed away from the embrace. Then he remembered where the conversation had started. "Before you asked me 'What was all of that?'. I still don't know what you mean."

Morgan bit his lip. Things were going good now and he didn't want to ruin it. He took a seat on the bed and right away Reid joined him. "I was confused. It seemed like one minute you hated me, the next you were kissing me. There didn't seem to be any reason. I just had no idea what was going on."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I was being stupid, too. I was just so scared of how they would all react that my mind shut off completely. I didn't know how else I could get through that. And when I saw you crying... I just wanted to make it all better," Spencer lightly traced the side of Morgan's face.

"Spencer...?" Morgan remembered his lover's voice when he had said how scared he was. The tremors he had been holding back. "It's okay if you're upset. I can't help but think you're keeping everything bottled up. You can let some of it out. You can cry if you want."

With those magic words, Reid buried his face in Morgan's shoulder and began to cry. Not a few quiet tears, but painful sobs for everything that he had been put through. It hurt Morgan's heart to hear them, but he just held on to Spencer and hoped the crying would soon stop, and his lover would feel some sort of release.

Instead, there was a fierce knocking at the door, and everything just got worse.

* * *

**A/N: So for the last chapter I got a review about my author's notes. Mainly, me ****saying that I'm not happy with what I've done and how it's sounds really insecure and reflects badly on my work and that I should have edited better if I wasn't happy about it. **

**At first I was all upset because I really like talking about my writing. And then I was trying to justify my reasons to myself saying it was only that one chapter I didn't like, and I did go back and edit it several times. I tried telling myself it wasn't within my ability to make it any better and it was okay to warn readers that it wasn't my best stuff.**

**Well, anyways then I realized I was being an idiot. So I spent hours and hours trying to get this so I was happy with it. I worked really hard and found that previous failings at editing were because I was lazy and didn't care enough. So now I'm really happy with this chapter and don't feel ashamed at all. So thanks RavenParadox!**

**Oh, and I wanted to mention in case anyone was interested, that I didn't plan to go into hardly any detail about the case until this morning. Then I got a cool idea and ran with it. So it's kind of weird, because I never thought I would do anything like this in **_**Trembling Abyss. **_**But I plan to have more about it later.**

**Review please?**


	7. There's Something Wrong with Spencer

Emily already had her gun out when Morgan opened the door. Spencer had locked himself into the bathroom, ashamed at the thought of someone else seeing him cry.

Morgan held his hands up automatically once he noticed the gun. "Prentiss? What's with the gun?"

Prentiss had the gun aimed squarely at his chest. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened. Everything's okay. Why don't you just put down the gun?" Morgan said. His voice was calm and practiced; even when one of his friends was one rash movement away from taking his life.

Emily lowered the gun, but didn't put the safety on. Quiet sobs were audible from the bathroom. "Spencer, are you okay?"

Then it dawned on Morgan. _She thinks I hurt Spencer! She heard the cries and came to rescue him. She's looking at me like _I'm_ the unsub. _

"I'm fine!" Reid yelled, his voice all but hysterical from crying. "Go away!"

Prentiss glared at Morgan. He could understand why she was so skeptical. Spencer sounded like he was anything but fine. And what could Derek say to defend himself? I didn't hurt him this time?

"What did you do?" Emily whispered, not wanting Spencer to hear.

"Nothing you don't already know about," Morgan said, guiltily. "He's just upset. Can you blame him?"

Prentiss leaned against the bathroom door and spoke louder. "Spencer, I'm going to need to come in. Is that okay?" He said nothing, but the door swung open. Emily flourished her gun at Morgan. "Don't go anywhere." She then put the safety on her gun and tucked it in the waist of her pants.

Spencer was sitting on the side of the bathtub with his face covered by his hands and a box of Kleenex in his lap. Prentiss awkwardly took a seat beside him while Morgan leaned against the counter, looking helpless.

"Reid, can I see your face?" He withdrew his hands slowly, and grabbed a Kleenex and blew his nose. He was trying to stop crying, but that only made him cry harder. "...Did he hurt you Spencer?"

"_No!_" He said forcefully, even through a sea of tears.

Prentiss brushed the bruise as lightly as possible with the back of her hand. "You understand why I find that hard to believe, don't you?"

"He didn't do it on purpose," Spencer said. "It only happened once. He's not going to hurt me again. Morgan loves me, Emily."

"I wish I could believe that, Spencer," Emily said. She held his hand and stroked it lightly. "If he hurt you, you can tell me. I won't let it happen again, okay? You don't have to put up with this."

Morgan knew he should say something to help, but he didn't have any idea what could. "Em, I didn't hurt him again. Trust me. If I ever did something like that again, I would leave. I know it's hard to believe but I do love Spencer."

Prentiss didn't say anything but just watched the youngest team member stand up in the cramped bathroom and pull out of his knit sweater. Then he started to undo the buttons of his shirt, still sobbing.

"What are you doing, Spence?" Morgan asked. Spencer didn't reply, only removed his shirt. "Honey?"

Next he kicked off his shoes and pulled off his socks. Morgan looked concerned and Prentiss frowned. "Spencer, are you alright?" she asked.

No answer but a sniffle. His fidgety hands made it to his belt. Once it was open, the zipper quickly followed. His pants fell down and there was a pile of clothes covering almost all floor space that the three agents weren't taking up. "Reid!" Prentiss shouted. She had not wanted to raise her voice to him while he was in such a fragile condition, but she was scared. Why wouldn't he reply? And why was he stripping in front of her?

Reid hooked his thumbs into his plaid boxers near his hipbones. "Spencer?" Morgan asked once more, his voice tiny. Reid ignored him and pulled the boxers off his body, and just stood there naked. Prentiss was about a foot away from him and she tried not to look anywhere she shouldn't. Morgan stood but a few inches away from his lover, examining his face for some sort of clue. By now the crying had died down considerably, but every now and then a strangled sob would escape him.

"Emily, look at me," Spencer said, his voice quite but firm. "There are no bruises, no scars, nothing. He never hurt me again."

Prentiss surveyed his body and confirmed his claim. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement. He really was beautiful... She discarded that thought and went back to being motherly. "Good. But Spencer, that doesn't mean he won't. I'm going to go now, but you have to promise that if he ever does anything to you again, the first thing you'll do is call me. Even if you just think he might."

Spencer nodded gravely. "I promise. And Emily?" She had stood up and was about to leave, but he grabbed her and hugged her. At first she was shocked at his friendliness while still nude, but then she just patted him on the back while he cried quietly. "Thanks. It was really nice of you to look out for me. But I don't need it. We're okay."

Emily left the room feeling more than confused. When she turned around to see how they would act when she was leaving, Spencer was finished crying and had curled up against Morgan, who was wrapping a towel around his lover's waist.

"It's going to be okay, Spence," Prentiss heard Morgan say. He put his arms around Reid and held him tight.

Spencer replied in a whisper obviously not meant for her to hear. "They're never going to stop, Derek. They're all watching us."

Emily quickly left, not wanting to see anymore of the private show that was never meant for her. Was that really Spencer who had hugged her while bare ass naked in a bathroom? Was that really Morgan who had hit him? Whatever was going on, she couldn't help but feel the weight of how much she really didn't know about her coworkers. She couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with both of them.

* * *

**A/N: Anyone get the reference in the title? Remember that movie that came out last year, **_**Orphan**_**? The slogan was "There's something wrong with Esther." I thought it was funny… I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not in this type of story, but I had to include it.**

**In other news, I have no idea what I'm going to do for the next chapter. None at all! So I guess it could be a while.**

**It seems I don't have much to say today. So thanks for reading. Please review?**


	8. Motive

**A/N: Sorry I suck at updating. :( Please enjoy.**

* * *

Morgan woke up to find his lover curled up beside him, but facing the other way, not touching him. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms, but something -maybe subconscious forces they were unaware of- had pulled them apart.

"Good morning," Morgan said. For a minute he had been under a haze from just waking up and had forgotten that everything wasn't normal.

Spencer yawned, but didn't make any other attempt at movement. "What's so good about it? We've got nothing on this guy."

Morgan was at least relieved that he was worried about the case instead of everything else that had been going on lately. But Spencer's sentiments seemed to be shared with the rest of the team. Everyone was sitting in the police station, just waiting for something to hit them. They didn't understand the motive and without that there couldn't be any profile. Hotch knew the Cleveland police weren't happy with their results and were just short of sending them back to Virginia.

Garcia, oddly enough was the one who set the profiling train in motion. She video called them from her computer. "Hey, guys I've been thinking. I know I should leave the profiling to you, but I just had this crazy idea. What if the unsub is someone who had a loved one who got the death penalty? They could be trying to get revenge."

"...And there's also the political motive of working against the death penalty." Rossi added. "Good work, Garcia."

"That doesn't explain the rape," Morgan said. It was a problem for Morgan. Rape was always a problem for Morgan.

Prentiss looked at Morgan. "It could. If he was that angry, he could want to defile these women any way he knew how."

"He must be blaming a woman similar in appearance for what happened to his loved one," Reid said.

"Garcia, check any recent death penalties in Ohio," Hotch said.

Garcia smiled. "I already did, my lovely boss man. Only one in the past two years. His name was Vincent Fairborough, white male aged 47, stabbed and killed two prostitutes."

"That could definitely be the stressor," Hotch said. "Any family members?"

"Only a brother aged 35, Charles. He's been let out of prison three months ago. He was in for assault. Now living in, you guessed it, Cleveland. Less than twenty miles from the first murder. Is employed as a janitor."

"Thanks, Garcia," Hotch said. She just smiled and shut the camera off.

"This could be our guy," Morgan said. "He has motive, a criminal record that would fit the profile of a revenge killer, and he's the right age and race. Menial job would also fit."

Reid felt uneasy. As much as he wanted to believe it was that easy, something was just ticking in the back of his brain telling him it was all wrong. But lately, he couldn't shut that part of himself off. Spencer was starting to wonder if that panic deep inside him wasn't due to his job, but to his lover.

* * *

Charles fit into the geographic profile. Morgan, Hotch, and Prentiss went to his house and tried to question him without implying he was a suspect. They just intended to ask a few questions about where he had been and if he had seen anything out of the ordinary. But mostly they were just getting a feel for the guy. They didn't nearly have enough on him to make an arrest.

Meanwhile, Rossi and Reid stayed back at the station. Apparently, Rossi saw this as an opportunity to grill him.

"Reid, how are you doing?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic," Spencer said. He liked the feel of the curse on his tongue. He didn't swear often, but when he did, people paid attention.

Rossi didn't visibly react. Spencer was slightly disappointed. "What are you going to do?"

"About what?" Reid asked.

"About Morgan. The way I see it, you have two options. Either you can decide that it's not worth it and leave him," Rossi said. "Or you can decide it is worth it and try to find a way to resolve your issues."

"How can we fix this Rossi?" Spencer asked, tearing up again. "Tell me how we can resolve our issues and I would be happy to. Because I don't know what to do. Every time I look at him, all I see is a black hole of depression that mirrors my own. His unhappiness feeds mine, and vice versa. I have to try to gauge how he's feeling and know how to react, because he's never just okay. And neither of us knows what to do. How can we ever get better when we don't know how to talk to each other?"

Rossi sighed. "I can't pretend to know that. And I know I don't have exactly the best track record when it comes to relationships. But I wanted to tell you that you can love someone even if you do something stupid and hurt them. I think Morgan still loves you and would do anything to try to fix his mistake. It's up to you whether you want to do that or not, but the option is still there if you love him."

Spencer looked catatonic. Rossi waves a hand in front of his eyes, but he barely blinks. "You can love someone even if you hurt them..." he mumbles.

"Kid, what's wrong?" Rossi asked.

"I think I just figured out why the unsub is raping them, killing them, then stabbing them."

* * *

**A/N: Eh, I'm going to come out and say that this isn't my favorite chapter, even though I know some people won't appreciate it. I guess a part of it is content. I'm anxious to get back to the Morgan/Reid parts. But, you people are lucky I wrote this because the writer's block was intense. I was close to giving up. But now hopefully I will have an easier time with the next chapter. I think it'll be better, too.**

**If anyone was reading Dr. Spencer Reid; Sexpert, you might recall yesterday when I said I planned to write four chapters of four different stories all in one day? Well, I succeeded. I consider it a great personal victory. This was the last one, but I had to edit it so I didn't post until now. I'm not posting the other two yet…**

**Which brings me to the point that I've been holding out on you. I've got quite a bit written that I haven't published. But I'm waiting until I get a reasonable amount of chapters done so I don't have this updating problem with four stories because that might be scary. Or maybe I'll wait until I finish one of my stories.**

**Anyway, so now you know why it takes me so long to update this now. (Can you believe I just started another story since yesterday? I swear to God, there's something wrong with me.)**

**Drop a review, per chance?**


	9. Happy and Carefree

When Morgan asked Spencer to move in with him, he was shocked. Sure, they loved each other and were in a happy relationship (or so Spencer had thought at that time) but it didn't seem like they were that far in the relationship. It was strange because they had been together for almost a year, but they had never had sex. It was like they were just close friends that liked to cuddle and kiss and occasionally told each other how much they loved each other. Spencer had slept in Morgan's bed a few times, but they had never gone any further than that. He sometimes wondered if maybe their relationship wasn't the real romantic kind, but just a casual comfort.

"Spencer, I was just thinking..." Morgan said one day but then seemed to lose his nerve. They were just about to say their good night before Spencer went home, but neither of them wanted to.

"What were you thinking?"

Morgan grabbed Reid's hands. "If you lived here, we wouldn't have to say bye anymore."

"No," Spencer agreed. "We wouldn't. Is that... an offer?"

"If you want it to be."

Spencer threw his arms around Morgan's torso and pressed his face against Morgan's shoulder. "Oh, Derek. I thought you'd never ask!"

"Why would you think that?" Morgan held onto Spencer tightly. In these days they were so happy, so carefree! They just wanted to be together, and the complications hadn't started to ruin everything. Their love was pure and untarnished, as of yet. "I want to spend all my time with you Spencer. You're the love of my life."

"The love of my life..." Spencer repeated in a whisper, smiling brightly like a child.

He went home thinking, _This is the last time I'll have to leave when he's staying. This is the last time I'll be alone. For the rest of time I will have Derek Morgan._

About a month later, Spencer was getting used to the living with Morgan. It all began to seem routine.

That was when it became apparent to Spencer that sex didn't seem to be a part of this new routine.

Even someone like Reid knew that sex was something inevitable at some point in a relationship, something that should be explored happily together. Spencer was desperate to lose his virginity now that he had the perfect, loving boyfriend to do it with.

But something was wrong, Spencer could feel that. He wondered if maybe it was something he was doing wrong. Maybe it was up to him to try harder, make the first move.

The problem was Spencer wasn't really sure how to make the first move. He was extremely nervous. Why couldn't Morgan just make the first move? He was so much more experienced and would know what he was doing. If Morgan told him it was going to be okay, that he didn't have to be nervous, Spencer would trust him. But being the initiator? That wasn't something Spencer had any idea how to go about.

But he decided to do it anyway. Otherwise it seemed like he would remain a virgin forever. One day they were both lying on the couch, Spencer on top with his legs on either side of Morgan's, and his head resting on Morgan's chest. Spencer figured that was pretty sexual, but Morgan didn't seem to notice. They were making a pretense of watching some old movie. Morgan rubbed his lover's back casually.

Spencer adjusted so he could find Morgan's lips. His mouth gently on Morgan's, wouldn't be enough, he knew that. But he started with that anyway, and then stuck his tongue in and explored Derek's mouth. He made the kiss as deep and long as he could. Still going, he reached under Morgan's shirt and ran his hands along his six-pack, slowly making way to his chest. Spencer played with Morgan's nipples until he had to break the kiss and moan, "Oh, Spencer."

Spencer kept his hands under Morgan's shirt and started nipping at his neck. He felt strong hands on the bare skin of his back, rubbing back and forth. Spencer missed the kiss and returned to it, enjoying the taste of Derek, and wondering how other parts of him would taste. He could feel himself getting hard, and if that didn't send the message, nothing would because his crotch was on top of Morgan's, brushing against it with every move of their bodies.

But Morgan didn't get hard and give in. Instead he retracted his hands from under Spencer's shirt, and ended the kiss sweetly. He ran a hand through Spencer's hair and gave him a tame kiss on the forehead before guiding Spencer's head to its former resting place on his chest. Then he put his hand back on Spencer's back, but this time over the shirt, and no rubbing.

Spencer wanted to scream, "If you aren't attracted to me at all, why are we living together? What's wrong with me? Why don't you love me?" But he said nothing at all.

* * *

**A/N: I know it's been a long time (forever actually.) And it's been was a long time before that. After the seventh chapter, everything involving TA has been a huge struggle for me. Well, actually once I got writing this one it got a lot easier. I actually started liking writing this, and as a result I am happy with what I did.**

**I don't know how long it will take me to update the next chapter. I'm hoping not a ton of time. But reviews help with the inspiration/motivation. Please review and brighten my day.**

**Thank you all, if you've made it this far you must be a wonderful and patient person. I love you all.**


	10. Psychotic Break

"The unsub's having a psychotic break. He's in love with these girls, and he deludes himself into believing that she is in love too. He thinks the sex is consensual. But then he regains his senses and realizes how much he hurt these teenage girls and puts them out of their misery, as we've been saying..." Reid said.

"But then, why stab them?" Rossi asked.

Reid was really wired, talking a mile a minute. "Because he regrets it the minute it's done. He's angry he raped and hurt them, and then he feels like he has no other choice but to kill them. Then he's angry that they're dead and lashes out. There's no way he can stop because the only time he can ever see this clearly is the moment after he hurt them."

Rossi rubbed his beard and thought about this. "It makes sense. It's still just a theory, but I'd venture a guess that it makes just as much sense as the death penalty theory. And at the very least, it gives us a more workable profile."

Reid picked up his phone and dialed. "Hotch? Are you getting anything out of Charles?"

"Nothing. I don't get the feeling he's our unsub. He seems genuinely concerned about the murders and willing to help. I don't get a feeling like he'd be capable of murder. We should be seeing the pent up anger if he's our guy."

"Not necessarily. Although he doesn't fit the new theory at all in any other way, the new theory suggests someone that would feel remorse for what he did."

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked. "Dumping them on highways and stabbing their corpses doesn't shout remorse to me."

Reid explained the theory to the full extent to Hotch. "You might be on to something, Reid. We'll regroup in an hour and work on a new profile."

* * *

"He's a white man aged thirty to forty-five," Morgan said, addressing the Cleveland Police. "He's someone you would notice. If you had seen him, you would remember him."

Reid continued, feeling barely brave enough to address the police department with a severely bruised face. He thanked the fact that his line of work would make them fill in the blanks for themselves in a benign fashion. "He will be unemployed. We believe that his psychological condition wouldn't enable him to work. He would have quit or been fired between a month and six months ago. His employer would likely give you a full list of complaints about how poorly his job was done, and about his personality and mental health."

Hotch picked it up from there. "His job wouldn't have been anything prestigious. Think an office job, or anything menial that doesn't involve working around people that much. And because the victims have all been teenage girls, pay attention to anyone working in or around school with these types of jobs."

"Thank you all for your time. If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me or Agents Hotch or Reid," Morgan said.

Prentiss and Rossi went to the last victim's school to see if the new profile struck any chords. Hotch and JJ took the second victim's school, and surprisingly Morgan and Reid got assigned to the first victim's school together.

"What do you think the chances are that this will turn up anything?" Reid asked Morgan as he drove to the school.

"You never know. The first victim could be the one he was originally in love with, the one that set things in motion. If that's the case, maybe someone knows something," Morgan said, trying to remain optimistic.

Spencer wanted to ask, what do you think the chances are we'll get out of this okay? But he kept his mouth shut. Besides, things were going better. He didn't feel like killing himself every time a team member looked at him anymore. It was starting to seem like they might let up. And if he and Morgan could just get themselves together, just maybe they stood a chance. The longer since it happened, the less significant it was starting to feel. Like everyone was just making a big deal about nothing.

As if reading his mind, Morgan said, "I think we'll be okay, Spencer. If we work at it."

"Yeah..." Spencer smiled at him, and in no time they had ended up at the school.

They went to the principal's office. "Mr. Taylor? I'm Agent Morgan and this is Dr. Reid. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Sure," he said, shaking their hands. To Reid, he said, "Jeez, you're face looks terrible. What did you get in a fist-fight with Agent Morgan?"

"Something like that," Spencer said, with the intent of being ironic. "Why don't we step into your office?"

They went into his office, and Mr. Taylor sat behind his desk while Morgan and Reid took seats on the other side. It was oddly like being in school again. Morgan didn't want to remember high school and shut this thought down. "I trust someone told you why we were here?"

"Yes, Katie Simmons death. It's so unfortunate. Anything I can to do to help, I will," Mr. Taylor had said. Morgan was starting to think maybe he wasn't as much of an ass as he first sounded.

"We're going to describe a profile, and we're going to ask you if you've know anyone that fits it," Reid said. "He would be a white male between the ages of thirty and forty-five. He might have been employed here, or somewhere nearby. Maybe another school. But he wouldn't have had a job that involved working with a lot of people."

Taylor's face fell a little. Morgan continued. "He would be unemployed. Lost his job sometime before Katie's disappearance and most likely less than six months ago." Morgan noticed the man's knuckles were bone-white from clenching his fists. "Is this ringing any bells?"

"Yes. That's Mark George. He used to work here..."

* * *

**A/N: I was a good girl and updated fairly soon! Aren't you proud of me? The next update will be just as prompt. But I have to warn you… the next one might be the end! I say maybe because I am having such a hard time deciding how to end this. Like, lying awake in bed at night in a cold sweat just panicking about it. Seriously. I keep waiting for some sort of epiphany on which way to go. So far I've been leaning towards the next chapter being the last. God, that's depressing. I'll miss ranting in these author's note. *sniffles* I love you guys. All of you.**

**Tell me what you think. Go on. Click the review button. :D**


	11. Case Closed?

"With all due respect sir, we've barely told you anything. How can you be so sure?" Reid asked.

Taylor looked extremely uncomfortable, even sitting behind the principal's desk. "I fired him a couple of months ago. He was a janitor. He was... unstable. And he seemed to have an... interest in Miss Simmons."

"And this didn't come up before?" Morgan asked, angrily. "You didn't feel the need to mention this to the police after she was brutally raped and murdered?"

_Morgan don't hit him, you'll lose your job... You'll lose everything..._ Spencer thought. Fortunately, Morgan found some way to hold himself back from doing exactly that. Morgan was thinking Taylor was every bit the ass that he had originally thought.

"I didn't have any legally incriminating reason to suspect him. It was just a feeling. Like he spent too much time around her. Nothing he did could be held against him in court," Taylor said, trying madly to defend himself.

Reid, the calm voice of reason spoke up. "Is there anything else you can tell us about Mark?"

"There was something wrong with him. Like he didn't have all his eggs in one basket, if you know what I'm saying. I thought maybe he could lash out and hurt someone..." Like Taylor sensed Morgan's anger for not mentioning this. "But not Katie Simmons, he was nothing but nice to her."

"Yeah, well he was very nice to her when he held he down and raped her. And when he killed her and stabbed her three times. A true gentleman," Morgan said angrily.

Spencer got up to his feet. "That'll be all for now. We may get in contact with you later. Thank you for your time."

They both walked out and as soon as they were alone, Reid said, "What was that? I know you're angry, but you can't be like that at work. You'll get fired."

Morgan bit back the urge to ask what if he was like that at home? What would it take for you to fire me, Spence? "I know. It was stupid. Not as stupid as what he did, but still stupid. I'm going to call Hotch and tell him about Mark."

"I'll call Rossi and tell him that him and Prentiss we potentially have an unsub," Reid replied. He continued softly. "Are you going to be alright, honey?"

"Yeah, fine," Morgan said, wondering if he was lying or not.

* * *

It was astoundingly easy to take Mark George into custody. It was also astoundingly easy to prove that he was the killer, at least for the last body. He still had the knife covered in the third victim's blood and his fingerprints. And considering the similarities between murders, and how he worked at the school Katie Simmons went to, he was sure to go down for all three murders.

On the plane ride home, Morgan didn't look any happier. Spencer took a seat next to him and intercepted him before he could put his headphones on. "We got him before he had a chance to take any other girls. That's the best we could have done, right?" Spencer said.

"Yeah, try telling that to those girls families," Morgan said. "They'll never be happy again."

"I know. But this is a hard job. We did everything we could. There was no way we could have done anything more," Spencer said.

Morgan looked around to see if anyone was looking, but they all seemed to be on the opposite side of the plane. "What about you and me?"

Spencer didn't quite understand what he was asking. "What about you and me?"

"Will we be okay?" Morgan asked quietly.

Spencer grabbed Morgan's hands and intertwined their fingers, leaning a bit closer to him. "Of course we'll be okay. Morgan it was just one mistake, that doesn't erase everything else."

"It seems like a pretty big mistake to me," Morgan said.

Reid nodded. "Yeah, it was. I'm not going to pretend it wasn't. But I forgive you, all that's left is to forgive yourself. Can you do that for me?"

"Anything for you, baby," Morgan said and winked. "You and me are the dream team, of course we'll make it."

"Good," Spencer said, resting his head on Morgan's shoulder. "I love you, Derek."

"And I love you, Spencer," Morgan said, putting his arm around his lover, despite what anyone else on the plane might think. "We're going to be fine."

They were both starting to actually believe that.

* * *

**A/N: Hi, everyone. Sorry it's been a brutally long time, but life has been complicated. I've already written the next chapter, but after that I have no idea what I'm going to do. Thanks for sticking with it and reading this far. I love you all!**

**Review please?**


	12. The Plan

Hotch ordered two weeks off for everyone. He muttered something about a stressful time and that everyone would do go from it. Spencer wondered if it were true that time off would help. Deep down he feared time off would make things worse, but he pushed that thought away. Being alone with Morgan is going to be fine, Spencer mentally told himself. Everything is going back to normal now. It was just a rough few days…

Another part of him was relieved at the time off. He could sure use a break from _something_-whether it was work or not. And he held the child's naïve hope that everything would just go back to normal.

And it almost seemed to. Their first night alone together although more quiet than usual, felt like it was getting back to normal. When they went to bed in the middle of the night, Morgan held Spencer and kissed him slowly for several minutes. It was hot and heavy and they never wanted it to end. Morgan's thumbs found a place underneath Spencer's boxers before Reid broke away from the kiss.

"Derek…"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Spencer said. "I just… I think we should wait a little while first. After everything that happened… I think we should just make sure we're comfortable with each other first."

Morgan laid down next to his lover. "Yeah… you're right. Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," Spencer said. "We're doing good. It's just going to take a bit of time."

Derek kissed Spencer once again, this time it only lasted fifteen seconds, but it was a kiss halfway between sweet and sexy, and very enjoyable. They found a comfortable cuddling position and fell asleep right away, exhausted from the stress they had been feeling for the past couple of days.

* * *

A week later everything seemed normal. _Almost_. At least everything on the surface was normal, but Spencer could still feel something wrong. They got along with each other alright, but something was eating away at them inside. It was like they were just puppets doing whatever they were supposed to, but feeling nothing.

It seemed on the outside like they were happy together. But Spencer knew better. And he knew why.

Morgan was still feeling guilty.

Would that fade in time? Or would it just eat at him until there was nothing left of him? Or had that already happened?

Spencer felt overwhelmingly like he had to do something about the guilt. But there was nothing he _could _do which made it seem all the worse.

Until he thought of a plan. A plan that seemed crazy and stupid, but what if it just happened to work?

"Sweetie?" Spencer said, walking into the kitchen where Morgan was about to grab a drink. He turned around before grabbing one.

Spencer nervously rolled up his sleeves.

And punched Morgan right in the stomach.

Morgan stood their looking like he had in the aftermath of when he had struck Reid. Confused, scared, and broken. Reid immediately starts to regret his 'plan.' How had he been so stupid?

"What was that for?"

"Now we're even," Spencer said, trying his hardest to sound like that was the end of that matter. There. Even. Problem solved. _Not exactly_, Spencer thought. Suddenly it becomes obvious to him that old saying "two wrongs never makes a right," but it's was too late and he was sure he doubled their suffering. Then tension in the air made them both feel like a loaded gun was pointed straight at their hearts.

Then Morgan forces a bad smile.

"I'm so sorry," Reid said. The exact same words as Morgan said. And then it hits him. _This is exactly how Morgan felt. That's why he feels so guilty all the time! _And it tore Spencer apart inside. But it also came with a sense of relief, understanding what it felt like to be on the flip side of the coin.

"It's alright, honey. Honest," Morgan said.

"I never meant to hurt you," Reid replied.

"Neither did I."

That was when Spencer jumped into Morgan's arms and held on tighter than ever before. Then he started nibbling his neck before looking up with those innocent, suggestive eyes.

"Derek? Let's go to bed…"

* * *

**A/N: Thank you all for reading this and getting this far and for all your awesome reviews and all the alerts I got from this. I love all of you, seriously. *hugs everyone and hands out cookies***

**So, I'm thinking about leaving it here. What do you guys think? Be sure to drop a review and tell me what you think and whether this should be the last chapter!**

**Thanks everyone! :D**


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